anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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