at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
