can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
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