I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
