I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
