nut hugger
just come out here and I will go home with you...
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
