you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
