Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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