Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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