True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
