what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
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