So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I still have a little drunk in my system
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize