i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
The Olympian is in my bed
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
