Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
