dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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