It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
