doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
