Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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