I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
