I think my vagina is haunted
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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