At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
ugly people sure do ruin things
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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