I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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