and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
