I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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