at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
