I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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