Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
