I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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