The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
