the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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