Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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