Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
