WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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