Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
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