We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
