i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
My first STD was from a foam party
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
