I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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