You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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