once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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