All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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