I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
