Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
