I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
She even gives head with a lisp.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
