Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
