theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
