I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
