He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Randomize
