Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
