She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
