Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
