so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
