she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I think i peed on brittanys purse
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
