I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
