i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
