Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
