I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
