its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
