I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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