Got a toothbrush?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
