I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
