I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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