It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Let's get the cat blown out
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
