she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
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