like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
