I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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