Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Randomize
