Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
