I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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