so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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