How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
