my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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