3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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