and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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