I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
