Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
