I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
